Nonsense Illustrated

2011-08-26T13:00:00.000-04:00

Girard loved the little pats and soft slaps of the gentle rain in the morning. Phi knew that this was the end of the spun sugar garden statues, but he didn't have the heart to mention it.

2011-08-25T13:00:00.000-04:00

Sparkly Jim felt like nothing could go wrong. He had his new shirt, his newly cleaned teeth and eyes, and a shiny new commemorative 75 cent piece. Roger, however, knew exactly what all those things had cost and realized that this one wave of giddy spending had threatened to bankrupt the home for abandoned porcupines.

2011-08-24T13:00:00.000-04:00

Gary was offended by the sound his wet wingtips made with every step, but it only reminded Michael of home and his mother.

2011-08-23T13:00:00.001-04:00

The Hirsute brothers were aghast that the store was out of batteries. Without the precious battery acid, how would they make the formula? But they knew they had to keep their voices down, or Baby Joey would stir and then they would have a real problem.

2011-08-22T13:00:00.007-04:00

Sylvester could barely stay awake. All week he had to contend with Hank trying to finish his project for the home marble sculpting class.

2011-08-19T13:00:00.002-04:00

Filbert had his nose bent out of shape all week, but Hazel wasn't about to apologize for what he encouraged the Pecan twins to do. The parrot needed to have something other than obscenities in its vocabulary.

2011-08-18T13:00:00.001-04:00

A strange peace descended on the group. None of them were willing to admit it just yet, but the idea had struck them that this time they had gone too far. Serving paint instead of soup was going to infuriate many people, whether they called it art or not.

2011-08-17T13:00:00.001-04:00

Everyone had their own idea about how the perfiteroles should be made, and no one was willing to budge. No one realized it at the time, but this was the beginning of the end for their confectionary confederacy.

2011-08-16T13:00:00.001-04:00

Though Curly saw only brushes with bristles of gold, the rest of them were highly doubtful of the "toilet cleaner to the stars" scheme.

2011-08-15T13:00:00.001-04:00

Alex hadn't slept a wink while considering Jim's proposal, though in the end, he would refuse. The prospect of a lifetime supply of jujubees was more than he could imagine.

2011-08-12T13:00:00.001-04:00

Hippo once again felt the urge to return, though he knew full well Hank was the only one who knew the secret of the lobster mine.

2011-08-11T13:00:00.002-04:00

The gang knew that they had a long road ahead of them. The Lucky Dandies would no longer give them quarter. The Painted Moths were openly hostile and the Bruised Peaches were keeping their distance. It would be a long road to reclaim their glorious dominance of the East Valley Mall.

2011-08-10T13:00:00.001-04:00

Arthur was determined to bring the first line of mummified hot dogs to market, though Phil secretly vowed to never stop eating the prototypes.

2011-08-09T13:00:00.002-04:00

Chicken Joe knew where this path would lead, metaphorically, but only Beaver knew where it was going to lead, literally.

2011-08-08T13:00:00.001-04:00

Harold just wanted to go back to bed, even though it was not so much a bed as a dense collection of millipedes, and even though it certainly had smelled a lot fresher when he first bought it. Still, that's where he wanted to be, but Clammy kept dragging him along. There was something important happening at the soda ash plant.

2011-08-05T13:00:00.000-04:00

Clem felt drowsy all day, as though his body and mind were miles apart and communicating through a frayed wire. Clancey way well aware of this and wasn't about to tell him the new secret ingredient in the coffee.

2011-08-04T13:00:00.000-04:00

Alyosha patiently waited for his star to return. He knew, even through his darkest times, that is was just a matter of patience. His life would once again be a glorious, beautiful thing. Rex was just content that it wasn't raining.

2011-08-03T13:00:00.000-04:00

Stretch was just about finished with the mango farm. Year after year, and no matter what the weather, the trees consistently refused to grow mangoes and instead produced piles and piles of something approximating a radish. Scratch just looked on it all and wondered why he ever gave up his job in the mines.

2011-08-02T13:00:00.002-04:00

Frank couldn't believe that John wasn't as angry as he was about how nonplussed Harry and James were that their zeppelin burned down again.

2011-08-01T13:00:00.001-04:00

The twins were worried that old Junior knew what they had done. But they were still committed to the case of rabbit liberation, no matter what the cost.

2011-07-29T13:00:00.000-04:00

Gregg and Clegg were in agreement as usual, and as usual Ezekiel was left out. And once again, he swore to himself, as he always did on these occasions, that the day of rhubarb pie would come. And it would be glorious.

2011-07-28T13:00:00.002-04:00

They though for weeks about how they could accomplish it. They read magazine articles, spent days in the library, all the while their desperation grew. In the end they had to admit, there was nothing they could do. If they couldn't grow a proper mustache on their own there was no one who could help them.

2011-07-27T13:00:00.002-04:00

As determined as Phil was to find that last cookie, Bill was as determined that Phil should never know the horrible truth of it's last few moments.

2011-07-26T13:00:00.000-04:00

Terry waited half of his life to see a falling star, but Barry was happy as long as he avoided falling down the stairs. So far, it was a good day for both of them.

2011-07-25T13:00:00.000-04:00

Timmy knew they could make it as a band, but Snickers and Sully weren't too sure about the marketability of a three-piece jug band. Still, the contest was tomorrow and the Jug Emporium wasn't going to stay open all night, certainly not with the rest of the block on fire.

2011-07-22T13:00:00.002-04:00

Gorgothon was quite pleased with how their little adventure turned out, but the twins thought that the next time they were going to be used as bait and/or human shields, they should at least be allowed to wear their shirts.

2011-07-21T13:00:00.001-04:00

Paul looked in wonder at the endless vista, filled with wonderment and endless potential in every direction, but Saul always said, you can call it what you want, but a landfill is still a pile of garbage.

2011-07-20T13:00:00.000-04:00

Franklin loved the idea of a new set of crystal goblets, but Francis knew that one again he would be spending entire weekends trying to get the bits of wax and assorted insect life out of the crevices.

2011-07-19T13:00:00.000-04:00

Jude was rushing to get to work, as usual, and the twins just watched with that smug smile of the voluntarily unemployed, though he knew when it came time to buy the toaster pastries that he would be the one with all the power.

2011-07-18T13:00:00.000-04:00

John tried his best to look interested at the lecture on slug reproductive peculiarities. Jon was quite interested, and a co-author of the study, but was very tired from sorting and coloring slugs all night.

2011-07-15T13:00:00.000-04:00

They knew by the look on his face that Gerri was up to something, but to this day none of them could figure out how he managed to smuggle in so many porcupines to the water park.

2011-07-14T13:00:00.002-04:00

Horace realized that he had been leaving out the common house sparrow in his Oral Inventory of Neighborhood Birds, while Hannibal could think of nothing but fried chicken and how best to prepare it.

2011-07-13T13:00:00.002-04:00

Cheese and Cracker both loved performing the show they had honed, polished and perfected for nearly every night for the past ten years. The fact that they had no audience was irrelevant.

2011-07-12T13:00:00.000-04:00

The words "turkey burger" left a bad taste in Tycho's mouth, much like an actual turkey burger. If he was going to have a burger, it was eel or nothing.

2011-07-11T13:00:00.001-04:00

They all tolerated Reginald well enough, but when he started going on about the differences between overhand and underhand toilet paper styles, one by one, their eyes would glaze over.

2011-07-08T13:00:00.000-04:00

Enrique had long suspected that the Secret Society of Liars was not as exclusive as their press releases seemed to indicate.

2011-07-07T13:00:00.000-04:00

Salmon and Gordon had disagreed for a long time about the best way to walk downtown. Sal preferred to skip and Gordon insisted on walking on stilts, though they knew that this diminished them in the eyes of their fellow undertakers.

2011-07-06T13:00:00.000-04:00

Mercutio carefully examined the melons. Soon they would be ready and he could test the serum.

2011-07-05T13:00:00.000-04:00

Bull thought that Bunny knew better than to use his grandmother's china at the lemonade stand, but, he thought, some things you just have to learn for yourself.

2011-07-04T12:08:00.000-04:00

Tiny was tired, but he knew he had to keep walking. Someone had to help cure the blight of keyboard grunge.

2011-07-01T13:00:00.000-04:00

Every night it ended like this and every night they each secretly asked themselves why they didn't just throw the Rubik's Cube away.

2011-06-30T13:00:00.002-04:00

The French new wave bored Reginald, and that made Rene despise him all the more.

2011-06-29T13:00:00.001-04:00

Soupy's only wish was that he liked soup more.

2011-06-28T13:00:00.000-04:00

Ronald was quite happy with himself. The twins were fighting for a week now and neither of them suspected that he was the one who lost their bow ties before the big dance.

2011-06-27T13:00:00.001-04:00

Fred hated his new job. Daleks were never going to understand jazz fusion.

2011-06-24T13:00:00.001-04:00

Jorge continued to look up and admire what he always thought of as the stars, but Gorge could not shake what the old woman had whispered to him that night when everything changed.

2011-06-23T13:00:00.001-04:00

Hinkley knew that Hoonkley would always be there, a living mirror of his every disappointment, a dark portal into his terrible table manners and history of ingrown hair.

2011-06-22T13:00:00.000-04:00

Jiminy tried his best not to worry. He was sure that Jimoney had learned his lesson after the incident with the previous can of beans.

2011-06-21T13:00:00.001-04:00

Once again, they failed. They were just a hair's breadth away from choosing an ice cream flavor they could all agree on. But instead, as they all agreed, they go home with the hated malt balls as a punishment.

2011-06-20T13:00:00.001-04:00

Edgar desperately wanted to shave, so, complain though he may, Aloysius' pastry experiments would have to wait.

2011-06-17T13:00:00.001-04:00

Dale was OK with giving up at this point, but Oscar knew that one of these hedgehogs knew more than he was letting on.

2011-06-16T13:00:00.000-04:00

Sid was about to object but he saw the look of determination in Murray's eyes. Lou, of course, already knew where the lucky feather was moved, and it was certainly not in this tree.

2011-06-15T13:00:00.000-04:00

Frankie knew he had to be patient, but he could hardly wait to see his name in lights right next to the daily chicken special.

2011-06-14T13:00:00.001-04:00

Jon Jon thought that his synthesizer masterpiece was finally ready, and Jim Jim knew he was in for weeks of dogs howling well into the night.

2011-06-13T13:00:00.001-04:00

Bevin and Evin quickly grew dissatisfied with their meteorology classes once they realized that they were not going to learn anything at all about meteorites.

2011-06-10T13:00:00.001-04:00

Horace was stunned by the multitude of colors at the insectatorium, but Dink knew they would once again leave with a mealworm salad.

2011-06-09T13:00:00.000-04:00

Steve had a surprise part planned for Ollie and this time there would be no excuses. He would finally find out what he really felt about the butterscotch pudding.

2011-06-08T13:00:00.000-04:00

Nathaniel worked many long hours on his chair of spoons which now measured eleven feet high. He was very proud of his work, and the fact that he was depriving so many people of a means to eat soup made it all the more satisfying.

2011-06-07T13:00:00.002-04:00

Simon was willing to defend his decisions until death, but Tarquin could not shake his secret revulsion at the sight of the bowl of wrinkles he called raisins.

2011-06-06T13:00:00.001-04:00

There was general disagreement about what they should all be agreeing on.

2011-06-03T13:00:00.000-04:00

Froonk couldn't stop thinking about the explosion and what it meant for the future of his snack cakes.

2011-06-02T13:00:00.011-04:00

Ezekiel could see the new train changing his life and revolutionizing the business, but Jojo knew they'd never fit it in the apartment.

2011-06-01T13:00:00.011-04:00

Slip felt that this conference was the last chance to finally get lazy ear accepted as a serious medical condition. He owed at least that much to the dowager Crinklebottom.

2011-05-31T13:00:00.002-04:00

Winston looked on in terror at the pool of sardine oil in the corridor and Boris just licked his lips, knowing that this would bring the pigeons and that would bring the cats.

2011-05-30T13:00:00.008-04:00

Lucien, Squeak and Wilbur looked forward to the first green strawberries of the summer, though each for his own reason.

2011-05-27T13:00:00.001-04:00

Timer and Timest both regretted the fact that the turtle got away, but they would be prepared for his tricks next time.

2011-05-26T13:00:00.000-04:00

The long winter nights took their toll on all of them, and after this season they would never mention pinochle again.

2011-05-25T13:00:00.001-04:00

Chip knew he might regret the implant once this fad had passed, but part of him had always wanted this.

2011-05-24T13:00:00.001-04:00

Joey Scrimshaw could see his future quite clearly, and though it would kill him, he could not resist egg salad.

2011-05-23T13:00:00.001-04:00

Samuel felt like half of him was always waiting for the other half of him to start what the first half never got around to.

2011-05-20T13:00:00.001-04:00

On days like this they would each spend long hours meditating on the long, dark surprise party of the soul.

2011-05-19T13:00:00.001-04:00

Kit and Kaboodle didn't have a penny between them, but more forks than they could staple to the wall.

2011-05-18T13:00:00.000-04:00

Old Tom and Young Tom loved the prospect of the spring, when they would prospect by the spring.

2011-05-17T08:00:00.001-04:00

Each of them, apart from Filbert, could feel the stars grinding away in their teeth at night, but none of them liked to talk about it.

2011-05-16T08:00:00.000-04:00

Luther stared off into the smoky distance and knew that he had done all he could to help the people of Barbecue Junction.

2011-05-13T08:11:00.000-04:00

Geordie had been thinking of buying a new bike for months now, but he was afraid it would once again end up in one of Gim's colossal pies.

2011-05-12T08:10:00.001-04:00

Dale was too polite to eat the last mint, but the events of last night changed all that forever.

2011-05-11T08:06:00.003-04:00

No one would say anything against the new neighbors who were causing the tremors, so Tim knew he had to send the letter.

2011-05-10T08:05:00.000-04:00

Speck dreaded the annual return of the octopi and all those little hats he would have to make for their wives.

2011-05-09T08:04:00.000-04:00

Cadbury knew his place as the butler, but only he knew the great secret of the salt cellar.

2011-05-06T08:20:00.001-04:00

As Bob and Bobo climbed the mountain it became more and more clear that the pack mule was laughing at them, not with them.

2011-05-05T08:30:00.000-04:00

Though he didn't look like it, Benny was the kind of guy who could turn on a dime.

2011-05-04T08:30:00.000-04:00

Dee always suspected that the others were just waiting for him to make his first slip-up with the atomic toenail clipper.

2011-05-03T08:30:00.000-04:00

Neither Hal nor Zed could imagine what the new haircut would soon mean to both of them.

2011-05-02T08:33:00.008-04:00

Ham longed for the day when he could wake up and choose his breakfast cereal before lunch time.

2011-04-29T09:07:00.003-04:00

Woody knew if he waited for just the right moment and made his move, he would discover the name of his mail carrier.

2011-04-28T08:59:00.008-04:00

Rocky and Burt had been through a lot together, from learning how to lance their own boils to save on dermatology bills to the terrible strained scallop jelly after filling their taxes. The piano recital was just another test.

2011-04-27T08:57:00.001-04:00

Wendell knew that if he once again hesitated to use the coupon, he would lose Lucinda forever

2011-04-26T08:52:00.000-04:00

Clancey and Steve were both too polite and both too stubborn to take the last nail, even though they were working on the same project.

2011-04-25T09:11:00.000-04:00

Ernie lived in the hopes that one day the world would see and marvel as he does at his room full of rare marbles.

2011-04-22T09:30:00.001-04:00

Jingles couldn't tell if the neighbor's cat had seen him already, so he slowly continued cooking the mouse.

2011-04-21T09:30:00.001-04:00

Eric and Enid knew they were in it together and it drove them crazy, but usually not at the same time.

2011-04-20T09:30:00.001-04:00

Every Saturday Al would check the van for spider webs and Aaron would count the change in the ash tray.

2011-04-19T10:00:00.000-04:00

It didn't bother any of them as much as it probably should have.

2011-04-18T09:24:00.002-04:00

Michael was slightly embarrassed that he still got his lefts and rights mixed up as it had more than once jeopardized his job as an air traffic controller.

2011-04-15T07:19:00.000-04:00

Eustace saw failure written all over the automated tractor, Eugene just hid the paints and hoped not to be noticed.

2011-04-14T07:16:00.000-04:00

Davey loved this time of year, but all Darren saw was more and more cicada corpses to clean up.

2011-04-13T19:25:00.011-04:00

For a few minutes before the climb to work, Izzy wondered why he didn't have more friends whose names began with "i".

2011-04-12T19:21:00.000-04:00

Gregory looked on in awe at the limited edition cheese wheel while Paul could only remember the faces of the mice in his dreams.

2011-04-11T10:07:00.003-04:00

What really annoyed Arthur was that he could never remember what he was supposed to be angry about.